Sunday, March 24, 2013


Pregnancy loss.


Spontaneous abortion.

None of these terms is quite adequate to describe what a mother goes though. Today, my baby died. isn't an expression we normally hear when referring to miscarriage, especially an early one. For some reason, that I can't explain, talking about pregnancy loss is so taboo in our culture.

I am not sure why it is this way. Perhaps it is that couples want to simply grieve- and keeping their grief a deep secret. Perhaps it is because people often want a reason to explain death. Admitting a severe chromosomal defect- the primary cause of miscarriage- whispers that those babies weren't perfect, somehow less of a life, and better off dead. Though much of that may be true, it is discussing the physical body- not the perfect soul that the parents grieve. Still, a physical problem with the mother can add layers of guilt and what ifs. Perhaps it is that our culture primarily views an unborn child- especially at the early stages- less than human and not a 'real' life with a right to live. I really don't know. These are just rambling thoughts of a grieving person who is trying to make sense of it all.

Today, the baby that I was waiting to announce died. True, it could have been yesterday or the day before, but today it was born. March 23, 2013. Nearly the due date of the last baby that I miscarried.

I have known that I was pregnant for about three weeks, and for that time I was very happy. I knew it could end in loss, and for that reason, as often as possible, I tried to remember to thank God for each day, each hour, that passed that I was pregnant. I wanted to enjoy each moment. I did. Even when it was beginning to look very bleak, I was still glad that I had the baby inside of me. For that, I have no regrets, no reason to wish that I didn't savor each moment.

Though I am very, very sad, in my heart, I am also happy. I am so glad that my child never knew grief, suffering or pain. Instead, my child is in the care of God. And that is a very good place to be.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Tea party

There was a party at our house a couple of weeks ago. Everyone brought a dessert to share. It was delicious! 

After the party, I hung the bunting up in the kids room. It was so easy to make- just strips of cloth (A good way to use your scraps!) tied to a long, thick string.

I think macarons are one of my favorite desserts to make. Really, don't be afraid of them, they are not that difficult! Even if you "botch" them, they will still taste delicious. Most of the difficulty just comes from trying to create the "prefect" appearance. 

I have been using various techniques from several sources. I am still thinking about writing a blog post about which ones I use, but until then, in this post, I shared several links that helped me.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Raspberry Rose Macarons

My macarons finally have bright colors!

After messing around with baking times, I learned that baking on too high a heat (as little as 10 degrees) can drain the color drastically. Sometimes I think it might be nice to write a blog post describing the steps from start to finish, but since many other blogs have done that, I feel it might be redundant.

At any rate, with only a few days before Great Lent starts, I have to get my baking times in!
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