Sunday, August 5, 2012

Little one

I've tried writing this story over and over again to various friends. Often, by the time I am halfway through, I delete it all and replace it with a vague sentence or two. This leaves me feeling like I have told it so many times, but in reality, haven't.

I found out that I was pregnant about two weeks ago. It was a shock, but I was incredibly happy. 

I was very sick almost immediately, but was always reassured by it in that I knew the pregnancy was progressing. Last Monday the morning sickness stopped. Since every pregnancy is different, I tried to not get too hung up over it, but the next day other symptoms started to develop. Everything was still in the category of "normal" but still, I had such a sinking feeling that something was very wrong. It was. By the next day it was quite obvious. Unfortunately, by this point, I was already visiting family in another state. I couldn't safely drive- especially with both babies, so Matt met my family half way (after clearing it with my OB) so I could come home. 

We lost the baby that night, but, thank God, long after we were home and the other children tucked in bed.

It is amazing how devastated one can feel after such a short pregnancy. I always knew that this could happen, as it did before, but still I didn't expect it. For some reason, I was so certain that everything would end up fine. This isn't the place to convey the complexity of emotions (strengthened by pregnancy hormones that don't know what to do with themselves) so I won't write much more than that. It has been extremely hard, but everyone around me has been incredibly supportive.

We buried the baby yesterday at the Monastery cemetery. 



I made this tiny blanket for the baby to be buried with. It felt like the only labor of love that I would ever be able to do for the child.


Memory Eternal.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Heartache. Such heartache. The beautiful blanket is such a beautiful labor of love. I just keep reminding myself, "Jesus makes all things new."

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  2. Rebekah, I am so, so sorry. It doesn't matter how short a time you carried the baby before he entered Paradise, the pain is still very heavy. The blanket you made is just beautiful. Your baby knew he (or she) was very loved and always will be. Praying for comfort for you during this very hard time.

    Memory Eternal!

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  3. I'm so sorry Rebekah...it doesn't matter when this happens, it hurts every time. You and Matt are in my thoughts.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss. This would be very hard. Memory Eternal!

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  5. I'm very sorry about you loss. Thoughts and prayers will be with you in this very hard time.

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  6. Rebekah, I am so very sorry for your loss. The minute a mother finds out she is carrying a child, she is in love. You are such a wonderful mother, and I know you cared for that child the best way any mother could. The child was blessed to have you as his mom, even if only a short while this side of Heaven. We prayed for you all this morning and will continue to do so. Memory Eternal!

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  7. I'm so sorry, Rebekah. The blanket you made for your precious little one is beautiful and it's obvious how much love and motherly care you put into it. So many prayers for you and your family.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. Your love and concern for your LO, how you cared for your child while she was with you will always be remembered by him/her as she watches over you and your family.

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  9. So sorry for your loss, Rebekah. Memory Eternal! The blanket is a beautiful expression of love for your child.

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  10. God bless you, Dear. I am so sorry.

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  11. I just met you and your blog and I'm so sorry you lost the baby.....so sorry. Sending warm heart felt thoughts to you and yours...
    Maria

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  12. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you in this hard and confusing time x

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Thanks for stopping by! If you have a particular question, you can always email me at rebekahbethany {at} gmail.com

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