Do not ever succumb to the insane thought that God has abandoned you. God knows exactly how much one can endure and, according to that, measures the sufferings and pains of everyone.
-St. Nikolai Velimirovich
9 lbs 10 oz; fifteen inches long and born 7-7-11 at 3:13 am.
I think I am destined to have harrowing births.
I found out yesterday that I had to be scheduled for an induction today. Tomorrow, I would have been two weeks overdue and my midwife who I have a great relationship with wasn't working that day. I was devastated. I have been reading so much about natural birth and natural pain managment. After Katherine's birth, I wanted to prove to myself that my body could do this on its own.
Well, my mother came down yesterday from upstate NY to watch Katherine for the big day. As a way of raising my spirits, she watched Katherine so Matt and I could go on our second date sans child since Katherine was born. We had a lovely time at Starbucks, a movie and just driving.
About 20 minutes or so after we got home, my water broke. So I thought. Actually, my placenta was literally rupturing and breaking apart. Matt rushed me to the hospital (probably faster than an ambulance) where we realized the seriousness of what was going on. I was given medicine and started intense monitoring. I don't know half of they did- it was all so quick. It was ominous that something was terribly wrong because of the rushed, quiet, strained seriousness of the doctor, midwife and nurses. Of course, it was immediately declared that I needed an emergency Cesarean. Afterwards it was expressed more than once how good it was that Matt drove so quickly- this story could have had a completely different ending.
Thanks to everyone's prayers, I was very calm at the time. Yes, I was freaked out, but mostly because I never had surgery before and I was in a lot of pain because, oh, I forgot to mention- it triggered me into intense labor.
I had stumbled across a powerful saint's quote a couple of days ago that I had been reminding myself over and over again- it fitted beautifully into this moment. It goes to the effect of- when you feel like you have been abandoned by God just remember that he never gives you more than you can handle. What feels like his absence is just what he is allowing to happen because he knows what is good for you. The whole time I was able to pray and also remember that though it all looked scary- he was in control and would not let me suffer more than what I could take. It made me realize that I was strong enough to handle the pain, the fact that everyone was freaked out, the surgery, and that our son was in God's hands.
To make a long story short, the surgery was quick and successful. Daniel is a strong, healthy little man. I am feeling great considering everything. I am also slightly loopy from painkillers. ;)
|Clear liquid meals are so lovely: plain tea, plain broth, green jello and apple juice. This is actually a tremendous improvement. Originally I was only allowed to have ice chips today- all day.|
The end result is that I can never be induced again (because of the caesarean) and due to the nature of a complication I had for this pregnancy (my midwife thinks it was responsible for this) and for Katherine's pregnancy. God willing, if I ever get pregnant again it will probably be a Cesarean. Even though I am all about being natural, going green and avoiding unnecessary medicines, etc... I am OK with this- even relieved.
All glory to God.